▶ Watch Video: Jim Gaffigan picks his favorite child

As many of you know I am the father of five children. Five! Sure, at times it seems like 30, but mostly it feels like … FIVE!

My children are my life! And I mean that in the most positive and negative way. 

Back in pre-COVID times when I wasn’t taking care of my five kids, I was doing standup comedy about them.

“Big families are like water bed stores; they used to be everywhere, and now they’re just weird.”

During normal times when I was recognized by strangers, it often had to do with being the father of five kids. “Hey, you’re the guy with the five kids!”

Because I’m known as The Father of Five Children, I’m asked many of the same questions: Are you having more?  How do you feed them all? Are you creating your own nationality?

I shrug off all the questions, except for one: “Who is your favorite kid?” No matter how many times I’m asked that, I’m always a little shocked by the question.  

My favorite? Wouldn’t a decent parent feel a sense of guilt for favoring one child over another?  

If I had a favorite child, why would I admit it to a stranger, or anyone?  

Who’s my favorite child? That’s like asking a married man, “If your wife died, what type of woman would want to date?”

Okay, I have thought about who my favorite child is. During the pandemic I’ve spent too much time with them, and I’ve thought about just about everything. Who is it then? 

Comedian Jim Gaffigan and his brood. 

Jim Gaffigan

Is it my social justice champion, my 16-year-old daughter, Marre?  

My hysterical, maddening and brilliant 15-year-old, Jack?  

Could it be my animal-loving 11-year-old Katie?

What about Mikey, my nine-year-old athlete who likes me so much it makes me kind of question his judgment?  

Of course, there is also Patrick, who is eight, and my Mini-Me, who not only looks like me but seems to have the same view of humanity.  

All my children are amazing, but if I’m honest, I do have a favorite: Serena.

Sure, Serena is a German Shepard that we rescued back in December, but she’s my favorite! Serena is always happy to see me. She’s never on a screen.  She loves my cooking, and unlike my children, she doesn’t make loud noises. I mean, she makes no noises!  She doesn’t even bark!  That’s right – I have dog that doesn’t bark!  

What more could a dad want?

That’s a good girl! 

CBS News

For more info:

Story produced by Julie Kracov. Editor: Chad Cardin.